Cold Coach = Victory

On ESPN.COM's Page 2, there is always a great assortment of quotes, quips, and interesting analysis, often not directly involving what is happening "ON" the field. I love reading The Sports Guy, Bill Simmons, and have quoted him on this blog before. Gregg Easterbrook is also a fav, writing a lengthy but very interesting weekly column entitled the "Tuesday Morning Quarterback." I was, shall I say, scrolling through the article this morning when I came across commentary that I had thought just hours before - WHY IS MIKE SINGLETARY WEARING SUCH A HUGE COAT DURING THE 49ers/SEAHAWKS GAME?

Ready to call the defense, or climb K2

Yes, the Pacific Northwest is suffering from an unusual spell. However, the game time temperature at Qwest Field was still around 35 degrees, or 2 celcius. This is not an arctic blizzard. I vividly remember seeing Singletary and thinking, "His players must think it's really cold if he's wearing that... and it probably does affect their play!"

You see, cold is an enemy of all football players. Let me make this perfectly clear: NO ONE likes playing in the cold. Even Brett Favre, the ultimate "cold weather QB," was once quoted as saying that he "hates the cold just as much as the next guy." He only pretended to like it to increase his chances of winning. Same goes for those lineman that come out in Saskatchewan in November wearing just T-Shirts -- it's ALL MENTAL.

That being said, the Tuesday Morning Quarterback hit the nail on the head with Easterbrook's observation of this weekend's NFL action. I quote:

As snow begins to fall, TMQ's immutable law, Cold Coach = Victory, comes into play. The kickoff temperature was 37 degrees in New Jersey on Sunday, and Phillips was so overdressed in a heavy ski parka apparently intended for a Maine mountaineering camp, he looked like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Meanwhile, Giants coach Tom Coughlin looked manly in a varsity jacket. The team with the manly looking coach prevailed. With a kickoff temperature of 35 degrees in Seattle, Mike Singletary was dressed in what appeared to be a North Sea oil rig worker's survival suit, while the Seahawks' Jim Mora the Younger looked manly in a varsity jacket. If the coach acts afraid of 35 degrees, what message does that send his players? Cold Coach = Victory. Ridiculous K-2 Ascent Gear ⊰ Victory.

Cold Coach = Victory

It even rang true in the Civil War (Oregon-Oregon State Version, not Gettysberg. I have no information on the dress of their generals. Actually I could find it, but it would take forever and then I'd have to also google the weather on that ill-fated day and chances of finding that are slim to none.)

Reader Comments: Chris Brill of Phoenix wrote to me early in the Civil War contest, "I'm watching Oregon versus Oregon St. right now and I already know who is going to win. Its below 30 degrees and Chip Kelly is wearing what looks like a thin wind breaker, with no gloves. Oregon St head coach Mike Riley looks pretty comfortable in his ski jacket. Cold Coach=Victory. I'll go with Oregon."

Two other great non-game action facts of note from TMQ:

Disclaimer of the Week: Recently I bought a United Airlines ticket at the United Web site. The "fare restrictions" warning was 6,679 words. The United States Constitution is 4,427 words.

Winston Smith Opens Sports P.R. Agency: Tim Graham reports the Bills have photoshopped Dick "Cheerio, Chaps" Jauron out of team pictures, as if he never existed. Maybe he didn't! Maybe the Bills should interview Nikolai Yezhov for their coaching vacancy.

God Bless the Internet. And great work Gregg!

~ J. Twice