I’m not a beer drinker.
I couldn’t tell you the difference between barley or hops, amber or red, great tasting or less filling. I’ve never had Guinness, Stella, or Kokanee (A Canadian Beer that is not pronounced ‘Cocaine-ee’ as one Eskimo teammate always said.) I've don't even know what Beach-wood Aged means! (Although I've heard that a million times on commercials!)
However, one thing I have discovered is that Italy has CRAZY names for some of its beers. And while other food and beverages tend to have Italian names, it seems beer of all things comes labeled with an English name. So without further ado, here are my:
Top Three Crazy Italian Beer Names
- Drive Beer. I mean, what goes better with getting behind the wheel than beer? When I first saw the name of this beer, my marketing mind quickly went to work and I think I’ve come up with a few new official slogans: “DRIVE BEER. THE OFFICIAL BEER OF DUI.” (Driving Under the Influence), or perhaps, “The ONE for the ROAD.”
- Hell Beer. Drinking has long been a sore point for religion, and people that drink are often told where they are headed... but this beer fully embraces its role. This is THE drink for everyone not going to heaven. I can just see some commercials for this as well… opening shot of burning flames, pitchforks, and a big tub of Hell Beer (with Hell Beer backup dancers as well.) Yes, it is the one that puts out the puts out the flames.
- Demon Beer. A cousin of Hell Beer, this strong ale boasts 12% alcohol and will guarantee that you do something stupid in 3 drinks or less. This one actually has some Italian on the label, but the meaning is clear -- Only Drink this beer if you wanna look like the guy on the cover.
~ J. Twice
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