Cafe Mouthpiece

This is a little story that sums up the ITALIAN “AMERICAN FOOTBALL” experience in a nutshell:

 

As I was packing my football gear for Sunday’s game against Bolzano, I realized at the last minute that somehow my mouthpiece had gone missing.  (While I have not worn a mouthpiece since my junior year of high school, the Italian Football League places a VERY HIGH importance on players wearing all of their equipment, with a ‘mouthpiece’ usually topping that list.)  I was supposed to be at the stadium in a little less than an hour, which didn’t leave me time to find a replacement.

 

The usual protocol, for those of you who don’t make mouthpieces on a regular basis, is fairly simple: you drop the unformed plastic guard in boiling hot water for 30 seconds, softening up the plastic, then place it over your teeth and bite down, forming the guard to your exact specifications.  After 10 seconds, you then place it in cold water to cool the plastic and preserve the imprint of your teeth.

 

Unfortunately, at the moment I discovered the missing mouthpiece, I didn’t have a replacement to make at my house nor the time to go find one and still come home to make it… I was forced to improvise.

 

With the same coolness as Tom Brady in the pocket and the same resourcefulness as MacGyver – I made my plan.  I drove straight to our coach Davide’s office, where I knew there was a new mouthpiece.  Then, I headed directly to the one appliance no Italian can go without: THE ESPRESSO MACHINE.

 

Now, the usual protocol, for those of you who ALSO don’t make homemade espresso on a regular basis, is ALSO fairly simple: a single espresso shot is placed in the machine, the ON button is pressed, and the machine spits out a nice hot shot of Italian Café.  It can make anywhere from a small, concentrated shot to a larger cappuccino.

I THINK YOU ALL KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING: THE ESPRESSO MACHINE WAS MY ONLY SHOT AT HAVING A NEW MOUTHPIECE!

I optimistically placed my mouthpiece in the coffee glass and prayed that this plan would work.  As the warm coffee filled the glass, I could see steam rising and was praying that this crazy plan might actually work.  After about a minute, I removed the mouthpiece from the Café (unfortunately without my typical double sugar packets) and placed it in my mouth – AND IT WORKED!!!  The mouthpiece, despite the burning coffee sensation, actually formed to my teeth… creating the first ever “CAFÉ MOUTHPIECE!”

It was truly a breakthrough moment for American Football in Italy – a fusion of the passion and gusto of famous Italian coffee with standard American protective equipment… in a word, brilliant.

Now, after using the Café Mouthpiece for an entire game and enjoying the unexpected taste of Italian Café in the middle of a play, I hope to one day patent the idea and expand the line to a number of other Italian flavors.  Can you even imagine the possibility of having your choice of a Connoli, Gelato, or Granita flavored mouthpiece?

~ J. Twice